sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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