She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ketchup is God's man juice
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
