Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
