last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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