thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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