I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize