I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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