this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
