Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
