I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He felt like a one man threesome
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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