not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
