Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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