I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
