I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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