Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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