im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So apparently I’m into choking now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
