my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
