she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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