I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
