Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
