i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
