We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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