your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
