I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
