haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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