this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
