Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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