I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize