Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
