She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
