I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
