And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
