I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
