I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
