Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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