he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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