at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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