So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
