She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
