What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
