So drunk its hurt
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
