So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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