It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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