She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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