cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
