Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
