there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
