if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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