she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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