my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
