I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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