I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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