Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
