saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it was like eating out sand paper
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
