Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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