Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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