Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
