i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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