so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
