YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
