thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
