i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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