looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
