you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
