You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
