Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
