I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Success! We fucked roommates!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
