just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
