I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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