swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
