she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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