I hate all girls vehemently.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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